Listening Within, Part 5: What Alignment Actually Looks Like
- Michael Sundell
- Jul 12
- 6 min read
A few months after working with the musician I mentioned in Part 3, she sent me an update. She'd just won her first permanent orchestra position—something she'd been working toward for years. But what struck me most wasn't just her success; it was how she described the experience.
"For the first time in an audition, I felt like all of me was there," she wrote. "The part that was cautious about the challenges ahead didn't disappear, but it wasn't fighting against the part that wanted to succeed. Instead, it felt like they were working together—one keeping me grounded and prepared, the other giving me the courage to really go for it."
Her experience beautifully illustrates what we've been building toward throughout this series: the possibility of inner alignment. Not the elimination of different voices, but their cooperation.
In previous posts, we've explored the nature of inner conflict, the multiple voices we each carry within us, and the powerful motivators—fear and desire—that shape our inner world. Today, as we close this series, we'll look at how to bring these inner voices into alignment and harmony.
Alignment doesn't mean forcing your inner parts into total agreement or silencing any particular voice. Rather, alignment is the ongoing practice of compassionate listening and negotiation that allows each inner voice to feel respected and understood. Through awareness and curiosity, you create space for your inner parts to move forward together more peacefully.
What alignment actually looks like
Alignment begins simply—with acknowledgment and compassionate listening. Rather than trying to immediately resolve conflict, you first allow each inner voice to speak clearly about its deeper needs and intentions.
Think about it as facilitating a conversation between friends who disagree. Your role is ensuring each voice is heard and valued. When each part feels genuinely understood, the tension between them naturally begins to soften.
My client's breakthrough came when she stopped trying to eliminate her cautious part and instead listened to what it was actually trying to offer. "I realized it wasn't trying to sabotage me," she explained. "It was trying to help me succeed by making sure I was truly prepared. Once I understood that, I could work with it instead of against it."
This is what alignment looks like in practice—not the absence of different perspectives, but their cooperation toward shared goals.
Moving toward deeper, shared needs
One of the most powerful ways to align your inner parts is by exploring their deeper underlying needs. Often, conflicting parts want similar things at their core—peace, connection, freedom, or joy—but they disagree on how to achieve those outcomes.
You can uncover these deeper needs through simple, reflective questions:
Ask each inner part, "What do you want most deeply?"
Once you have an initial answer, ask, "Why is that important?" or "What deeper value would that give you?"
Continue asking until you discover core values like peace, connection, or freedom.
Consider how this might work with a common conflict: a friend asks you to do them a favor. You really don't want to do it but you're afraid that if you say no, they will be upset with you.
The part that wants to say no might say, "I want to take care of my own needs". Going deeper: "Why is that important?" might reveal, "So I can get done what I need to do." Going deeper: "So I can feel a sense of peace and fulfillment."
The part that wants to avoid having the friend be upset with you might say, "I want to avoid conflict." Going deeper: "Why is avoiding conflict important?" This might reveal, "Because I want to feel liked and appreciated." Going further, "What would feeling liked and appreciated give you?" This might also lead to a sense of peace and fulfillment.
When you discover that seemingly opposing parts share common ground at these deeper levels, alignment can occur naturally, without forcing anything.
Inviting integration and cooperation
Sometimes, discovering shared deeper needs is enough to soften inner conflict and invite alignment. Other times, it can be helpful to ask each part what it has to offer the other, and what it might receive in return. Questions like these help facilitate negotiation and cooperation:
"What gift or wisdom does this part have that the other part needs?"
"What could each part learn from the other?"
"How might these parts cooperate to achieve something neither could accomplish alone?"
In the saying no example, the part that wants to say no might offer courage, authenticity, and self-connection. The part that wants to say yes might offer a desire to be of service to others and to foster a sense of community.
Together, they might find a way to honor your own needs and be of service to others in a way that feels both authentic and appropriately aligned with personal values.
This kind of negotiation often opens up surprising third possibilities that neither part previously considered.
Somatic reflection: a practice for alignment
Here is a simple practice you can use whenever inner conflict arises, to invite alignment within yourself:
Pause and breathe. Take a quiet moment to notice your breath and settle into your body.
Identify the conflicting parts. Sense each part's presence in your body, noticing their unique sensations. One might feel tight and contracted, another open and expansive.
Acknowledge each part. Silently say, "I see you. You're allowed to be here." Notice if this acknowledgment creates any shift in the sensations.
Ask about deeper needs. Ask each part, "What do you most deeply want?" Listen compassionately to the responses, noticing if they share common deeper needs.
Invite integration. Ask your inner wisdom, "How might these deeper needs come together, creating harmony?" or "What does each part need from the other?"
Notice what arises. Observe whatever comes up—an image, feeling, or idea—without pressure or judgment.
Through this practice, your inner system naturally moves toward integration and alignment. Like my client, you may find that parts you once saw as obstacles become valuable allies when you understand their deeper intentions.
Inner harmony: a dynamic, ongoing practice
Inner harmony isn't a fixed state. It's dynamic, constantly shifting and changing as your life moves forward. This practice of compassionate self-awareness isn't something you complete once and move on. Rather, it's an ongoing dialogue with yourself, guiding you toward greater clarity, peace, and self-trust over time.
Ambivalence isn't a sign of failure but rather a way for the various parts of you to let you know that an important internal conversation needs to occur. Each time you meet inner conflict with curiosity and compassion, your inner parts learn they can trust you to hold space for them. Over time, your inner community naturally becomes more cooperative and harmonious.
My client's success wasn't just about winning an audition—it was about discovering a new way of being with herself. "I still feel anxiety before important performances," she told me, "but now I know how to listen to it and work with it. It's become an ally rather than an enemy."
Moving forward with compassion
As you continue this practice, remember:
Ambivalence and inner conflict are natural and human
Each part of you holds wisdom and valuable intentions, even if their strategies differ
Compassionate listening and curiosity transform conflict into cooperation
Alignment emerges naturally when deeper, shared values are acknowledged and respected
Whenever ambivalence arises, return to your compassionate witness. Pause, take a breath, and ask your inner parts:
"What do you each deeply need right now?"
"How can I honor each of you?"
"What wants to emerge when you work together?"
Over time, this practice strengthens your relationship with yourself. You begin to meet inner conflict not with frustration, but with wisdom, clarity, and compassion.
If this approach resonates with you and you're feeling ready for deeper support, I invite you to explore working together one-on-one. Sometimes it helps to have someone alongside you—someone who can gently hold space, ask the right questions, and help you hear the quieter parts within.
If you're curious, you can learn more about sessions here or reach out to me directly. I'd be honored to walk with you.
Stay connected.
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